My doorbell rang recently, and since I was upstairs I peeked out of my bedroom window to see who was standing on the porch. Two men in khaki uniforms waited patiently, talking quietly to each other.

My heart clenched. I felt lightheaded and grabbed the window ledge. I had long feared this scene, as have many other military wives. Not that we talk about it; at least, no other spouses I’ve met in eight years of being married to the military have ever mentioned it. But we all think about it. We know that if something happens to our husbands at work (“something” meaning “something fatal,” and “work” often meaning “war”), two khaki-clad service members will knock on the door, say “I’m sorry,” and recite a series of rehearsed speeches.

So I did what any 40-year-old domestic-dragon-slayer would do: I hid. Crouching under the window, I quickly assessed all of my options. I could stay out of the men’s sight indefinitely, crawling around the house until they gave up and left. This was my preferred plan. I wondered, however, how fast they would abandon their task. Knowing military folks as well as I do, I knew it was unlikely they would ditch their mission. That said, I could creep over to the phone, make a few calls for backup, and spend a couple of moments preparing myself. Because the doorbell ringing was a black curtain falling, separating what was from what will never be again.

Stepping into military life was completely new to me.  It definitely took some getting used to. I had a college degree in one hand and my military man’s hand in the other. I was eager to start my professional career and my married-to-the-military life simultaneously--- but it was an era when many women made the choice not to work outside the home, putting their own potential career greatness on the back-burner in the name of supporting their Soldiers.  

Instead of working for monetary pay every day, they spent countless hours attending military-related events, volunteering, and supporting fundraiser after fundraiser after fundraiser.  How was I going to support my soldier and still work full-time? Thankfully, I had been given a heads-up about navigating military life from a military wife of my then boyfriend’s professor in ROTC.  She shared with me the real deal about ‘the life’: the good, the bad, and the ugly---about what to expect and how to manage those expectations.

Desperate military families are losing homes or sinking deeply into debt because they were forced to relocate under military orders and are unable to sell their homes.

When the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009, the Economic Stimulus Bill, was signed into law by President Obama on February 17th, its provision of $555 million in a Homeowners’ Assistance Program for military members was touted as "very important to our military personnel and their families" by House Armed Services Committee Chairman Ike Skelton, D-Mo.

The government is very proud of its appropriation of $555 million for financial assistance to service members, and its pride would be well-deserved if anyone had actually received this financial assistance.

On May 14, 2009, the new program was again publicized in Department of Defense News Release #333-09. The same day, Vice President Biden said this aboard the USS Ronald Reagan in San Diego: "The sacrifices military families make for our country – in terms of deployments, but also moving several times in their career – are immense. They often don’t get to choose when they move and may be forced to sell their homes when they don’t want to. The Department of Defense, with funds from the Recovery Act, is expanding its program to help its military families who have been forced to sell their homes at a loss."

Please welcome guest blogger, veteran military spouse and BSF Advisory Board member, Sheila Casey.

I have been a military spouse for 39 years. During that time I have experienced all the same things each one of you have…raising a family, moving, deployments, reintegration, children changing schools, volunteering and making lifelong friendships. It has not always been easy but I would not change a moment of it. I say that now although there were days when I thought differently. When military life became difficult it was easy to think “enough” but then I would figure my way through it and get on with life.

What I realized is that I needed something that was mine. I could not live my life through my husband and I needed something in addition to the Army. I knew that one day my husband would retire and that the military part of my life would end. I needed something that would continue. The big question was what.