BSF Blog: In For The Long Haul | Blue Star Families

The Conspicuous Absence of Presence | Post date: 04/12/2010 - 21:11

by Wife on the Roller Coaster

The roller coaster has begun. The deployment, still in its infancy, is gradually sinking in. Sometimes I feel like my husband is simply on routine travel, and he’ll walk through that door any day with a bag full of dirty laundry and homecoming presents for the kids. But deep down I know it’s different this time. I feel it in both the conspicuous presence and absence of what makes our family of four complete.

Present is the bar of soap in the shower that no longer dwindles each day. Should I toss it before it leaves a permanent scar on my shower ledge or save it because it’s one of the last things he touched?

Present is the itchy case of poison ivy snaking down my back that my husband generously shared with me before he left. I can’t complain too much though because that poison ivy is a direct result of the hours of yard work I didn’t have to do.

Present is the stack of unread magazines sitting on his nightstand. They continue to arrive in the mail, not knowing that the subscriber isn’t here to read them (and his wife isn’t particularly interested in improving her golf swing).

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In Praise of the Military Brat | Post date: 04/08/2010 - 17:07

Sometimes I feel like a fraud. Like I don’t belong here with all the other Blue Star Families members.

You see, I’m not married to the military like so many of our volunteers. I don’t have a good “story” to tell of deployments gone wrong, solo moves, and year long separations from my spouse. I got involved in the Blue Star organization as my husband was retiring from the Navy Reserves. His active duty years were long gone by the time I entered the picture.

While I’ve attended lots of “picnics” as a reservist’s wife, I’ve only sat through a pre-deployment meeting once in my life and I’ve never been forced to attend a Hail and Farewell. The only retirement ceremony I’ve attended was my husband’s, although I missed most of that because I was trying to keep my toddlers from climbing the giant bee (Seabee) out front!

I mean, yes, I’m the New Media Director for Blue Star Families. I do a lot of work for BSF because I feel so strongly that military families need more support. But the military doesn’t affect my daily life in any major way, aside from when my ID card expires and I can’t get on base to take my kids to their favorite beach at Little Creek.

I am, however, a military sister – my brother returned from deployment at the end of 2008 and is scheduled to head out again next year. Perhaps more importantly, I’m also a military brat.

My father spent 20 years in the Air Force and I grew up all over the world. One of the most problematic questions you can ask me, or any military brat, is “Where are you from?“ Frequently I don’t know how to answer. Sometimes I say I’m from Louisiana, where I was born and both of my parents are from. Sometimes I say I’m from Nebraska, where I went to high school, met and married my husband, and my parents still live. But most often I simply say, “I’m a military brat.” Most people understand.

Military brats are a feisty bunch and yes, we have a reputation. We’ve moved a lot. We make friends easily. We stop and stand at attention whenever we hear our national anthem. And yes, we love our country and its military, often fervently. We tend to join the military at higher rates than civilian children and, despite spending our childhoods swearing we would not, we tend to marry the military as well.

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America Joins Forces for Military Families | Post date: 04/06/2010 - 23:23

by Kathy Roth-Douquet

In January, Blue Star Families co-hosted a conference called “America Joins Forces for Military Families”, or “Join Forces” for short. The conference brought together about forty-five leaders in government, non-profits, and the community to talk about the unmet needs for military families, and how we might work together, outside of stove-pipes and silos, on public-private partnerships to solve these issues.

BSF initiated the idea of the conference, but the co-hosts made it happen – they were the USO, ServiceNation/MissionServe, the Veterans Innovation Center, the American Legion, the Gilman Foundation, and DJ Skelton of the Joint Chiefs of Staff’s office. The Red Cross was instrumental as well. The Gilman Foundation donated the use of their beautiful White Oak Plantation, a retreat center in Jacksonville, Florida. Blue Shield Foundation of Calilfornia supported our participation.

Who was there? The government - Joint Chiefs of Staff’s office, the Secretary of Defense’s office, the Army, folks from the National Security Council at the White House, the Senate Armed Services Committee, the Labor department. The major military family non-profits were there – NMFA, MCEC, Armed Services YMCA, USO, Red Cross, Operation Homefront, as well as important groups from the larger community, including the Chamber of Commerce, and the United Council of Churches. In total about 45 organizations were represented.

The goal was to get a lot of smart people together in one room, to talk not about what works, why there are problems, or how great different organizations individual programs are, but to ask, after 8 years of war, and looking at military families- those who are still in it, with a particular focus on those who will be doing this still next year – what’s not working? Where are the gaps, what are the holes, and what would fixing that look like? In a lot of ways, for me at least, the purpose was to create some legitimacy around proceeding in a joint way with some larger scale solutions. It’s not that there is one right answer, but that if you can get consensus around a few answers that are real-life problems, that’s probably a good place to start.

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Let the Roller Coaster Begin | Post date: 04/04/2010 - 18:10

by Wife on the Roller Coaster

I’m ready. Or at least I think I’m ready. Well, I’m as ready as I’m ever going to be, and quite frankly, ready or not, here it comes. I’m about to hop on the jolting, unpredictable roller coaster called deployment.

As I strap in for the ride, I can’t help but wonder how I’ll handle it. I’ve been on this roller coaster before, and I can’t say I came out on the other end with flying colors, but if I were to be graded on a Pass/Fail basis, I definitely passed. I think.

I recall my husband’s first deployment and how wholly unprepared I was. I had no plan whatsoever to get myself through it. At the time, our son was 6-months old and I was finishing up graduate school. Needless to say, I had my hands full, and somehow I hoped that merely staying busy would magically flip the pages of the calendar. I was wrong. Between the hurricane that hit 10 days after my husband left, multiple trips to the ER for baby ear infections and RSV, a canine ear surgery, and the completion of my student teaching and thesis, I was busy alright. But it wasn’t enough. I had nothing else to buffer those bumps on the roller coaster.

Life is different now. That 6-month-old baby is a 6-year-old self-proclaimed man, and we have a rambunctious 2-year-old daughter added to the mix. I am a full-time domestic engineer (yes, that’s a fancy way of saying stay-at-home mom), and I’m blanketed in the security of commiserating friends. I’m older and wiser. I’ve had time to adjust to my official duties as a military spouse, and I’ve learned to expect the unexpected and respond with aplomb.

The change in our family dynamics will bring a variance in the challenges I will face this time around. I didn’t have to explain to a baby why his daddy was absent, but living with a kindergartener is like being trapped without a helmet inside a rapid-fire batting cage of questions. Without the escape of graduate school, I could ostensibly pass days without having a face-to-face conversation with another adult. I’m pretty sure I’m safe in the hurricane department, but you never know. Unlike last time though, I have a plan. I’m ready for these challenges. I think.

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The New Face of War | Post date: 03/29/2010 - 23:20

Please welcome Molly Blake, a new columnist for Blue Star Families. Molly is a long-time journalist who has worked in television, print and new media and has a Master's Degree in English. She and her husband, a Marine Corps aviator, have two girls and currently live in Northern Virginia. They will PCS this summer to Marine Corps Air Station Yuma where Lt. Col. Blake will take command of VMA-311.

My husband and I are watching HBO’s 10-episode miniseries, “The Pacific.” It’s Tom Hanks’ latest on-screen history lesson detailing the WWII battles on the Pacific front. The Marines are wide-eyed and eager but no sooner after storming Guadalcanal, as the dirt and jungle grit cakes their faces and their uniforms tear, the war obviously begins to take its toll on the hubris of the young men.

In one scene, a young Marine, stubby pencil in hand, is writing a forlorn-sounding letter to his gal back home. The paper is weathered, and you can almost see the tiny scratched handwriting that will surely end up in a bound scrapbook amid black and white scarred photos of scraggly Marines. That was then.

Gone are the hand-written letters wedged into the pocket of a torn utility shirt. Gone are telegrams and framed front-page headlines. Today, our Marines blog about war. They email wives, parents and friends detailing living conditions and battle experiences. They skype. Marines upload YouTube videos of themselves playing the guitar and singing songs about coming home, the dusty Iraqi countryside as the backdrop. The spouses back at home dutifully catalog pictures emailed from their soldier, label them and submit them onto a shutterfly.com photo book. Wives blog too on their very own websites like Spousebuzz and CinCHouse.com.

The Congressional Military Family Caucus lobbies Congress on behalf of military families and non-profits and Blue Star Families champions military families and the terrific challenges we face during wartime. Military spouses have their own magazines, real estate dealings and deployment folklore (“My husband’s deployment lasted longer than your husband’s deployment”). And if an iPod deployment playlist is any indication – they are beginning to permanently define themselves by this nearly decade-long conflict. This is today’s war. This is now.

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Military Spouses Deserve Chance for a Career | Post date: 03/28/2010 - 23:01

Please welcome Brenna Berger, a new columnist for Blue Star Families. Brenna is a freelance writer and the Home Front columnist for the Fayetteville Observer newspaper. A military spouse for over 12 years, she needs two hands to count the number of times her husband has deployed. She is the mother of two amazing kids.

Department of Defense officials recently announced the return - sort of - of the My Career Advancement Account program for military spouses. The program, which was abruptly shut down in February, came back on line March 13 for current participants. However, the program is not accepting new applications at this time. MyCAA offers grants of up to $6,000 for military spouses to obtain the training and education necessary to secure a portable career.

To say that the program was popular is an understatement. Defense officials claim that an "unforeseen spike" in applications - almost 95,000 in six weeks - prompted the shutdown. That the DoD failed to realize just how many spouses would jump at the opportunity to better themselves and their families remains a mystery to me.

DoD officials say they are still in the process of working out long-term options for the program. Here are a few things I hope they consider as they move forward with MyCAA 2.0:

Don't restrict eligibility by rank. A previous incarnation of MyCAA was originally only available to junior enlisted and junior officer spouses. Spouses of all ranks are affected by frequent military moves. According to the Washington State Employment Security Department, military spouses have triple the unemployment rate of their civilian peers. In the civilian world, no one cares if your husband is a specialist or a major. Employers see military spouses as transient employees. Factor in the current economic climate, and finding a good job is even more challenging.

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Operation Appreciation: Thank A Military Mom for Mother's Day | Post date: 03/25/2010 - 01:20

Mother's Day is approaching and advertising is out in force to remind us to thank our moms on the big day. While you're celebrating your mom, don't forget to thank the mothers all around you as well, particularly the military moms.

Being a mother isn't easy, but raising a child is quite possibly the most rewarding accomplishment most of us will ever have. When you become a mother, it brings the world into perspective. You realize what it is to love a person so much that you will do anything, anything to keep him safe.

As mothers we deal with tantrums, exhaustion, first steps, first words, and first loves. We haul our children to school, soccer, football and dance lessons. We are cheerleaders, teachers, coachs, pastors and mothers all rolled into one. But sometimes, as military moms, we have to be dad as well. We can pack up an entire house, three children, 2 cats, a dog and a half dead gold fish and move them across an ocean.

By ourselves.

Or, we watch our sons and daughters proudly march off to war. We say "I love you" and let them walk away.

Welcome to the life of a military mom.

This Mother's Day, why not do something nice, not just for your mom, but for a military mom. Say thank you with Operation Appreciation.

We're all familiar with letter for the troops. Of course, those letters are always appreciated and needed. But through Operation Appreciation, you can send a card or a letter of thanks to a service member, parent, child or spouse of a service member. For Mother's Day, this is your chance to let America's military mothers know how much you appreciate all that they have sacrificed in order to keep our country safe.

See our Operation Appreciation page for more information or email programs@bluestarfam.org for a detailed instructional packet.

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The Best and the Worst of Military Life | Post date: 03/19/2010 - 03:00

Over the last few days we asked our Facebook Fans to tell us the best thing about being a part of a military family, and the worst thing.

Here's what you said:

The Best of Military Life

The Worst of Military Life

We love the people and the friends we meet and the families that we become in the military. We hate deployments, we'd like more support for the civilian and military worlds, and we mourn the loss of time with loved ones.

Does this sound like an accurate picture of the best and worst of military life to you? Tell us what you think!

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Deployment Soundtrack | Post date: 03/18/2010 - 17:25

Earlier this week we asked our fans on Facebook to share the songs they would include on a "deployment soundtrack." We got so many great responses, we had to share them all!

On a personal note, I listened to every one of these songs while putting this playlist together. They made me laugh and cry and reminded me just how much I love my husband and my family. It's funny how music can do that, isn't it? But it's a great reminder, deployment or not, of just how wonderful it is to be part of a military family.

Blue Star Families Deployment Soundtrack

Lucky by Jason Mraz

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Ocean Sized Love by Leigh Nash

Wait for Me by Theory of a Dead Man

Here Without You by Three Doors Down

I'm Already There by Lonestar

Come Home by Shedaisy

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Blue Star Families Welcomes New Membership Director | Post date: 03/12/2010 - 21:39

Blue Star Families is thrilled to announce Tiffany Isaacson as the new Membership Director. Tiffany makes a great addition to our leadership team and brings a wealth of non-profit and military family experience to the job. Tiffany took the time to answer a few questions I had so that BSF members can get to know her better.

Q: Tiffany, what motivated you to volunteer for Blue Star Families?

A: Blue Star Families represents to me what military life should be all about. I believe that military families, and their strength, are the backbone of a strong military. Through supporting, educating and empowering one another, we allow our military to focus on their important role defending our country. If the families at home are supported, our spouses, sons, daughters etc. can focus on their mission, knowing that their families are supported back home...and that is what Blue Star Families is doing in a tremendous way.

Q: What do you think is the biggest challenge military families face today?

A: I think that all military families are given a great deal of information from wonderful resources in all branches of the service, however, we still find that spouses are moving from one location to another, and they are lost, they need information, they need support and they need help. If we had all of our resources combined together, the challenge of moving from one state or one country to another would be less daunting.

Q: What advice would you give to the brand spanking new military spouse?

A: To not be afraid to ask for help! Sometimes, it just takes reaching out to another military family member to get the support and information you need.

Q: What has been your favorite duty station so far and why?

A: By far, Sasebo, Japan. The community was so cohesive and wonderful. We all worked together, regardless of rank, command or branch of service to help one another and support one another. It truly was a family, where each one of us worked to strengthen and empower one another. Japan was also a tremendous place to live! The culture was fantastic and the people, unbelievably kind. I would recommend it to anyone.

Read more about Tiffany below the fold.

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