When He is the Spouse
There’s a reason the military uses the term “spouse” rather than “wife” these days. Men are spouses too!
A He-Spouse in a She-Spouse World
by Kerri-Leigh Grady
Hunter Montgomery knows all about multi-taksing. As the a full-time father of three children - ages seven, five and three years old - and the husband of a Naval officer, he has learned that he’s got to be flexible in order to get things done.
“The major challenge for me as a milspouse is managing the household during lengthy deployments,” Hunter said. “Finding the time to do something as simple as exercising can require some creativity to accomplish.”
As if the usual trials of military life weren't enough, living outside traditional roles creates further obstacles, Hunter said. “I try and overcome this by reminding myself that my wife is in a similar situation, being a female in a male dominated profession,” he said.
Hunter believes the current spouse support structure often leaves military husbands out of established social circles, so he relies on communities like Blue Star Families to find and network with other male spouses.
Though his young family and time- and energy-intensive job limit his participation in Blue Star Families, Hunter’s experiences with his local chapter have encouraged him to stay involved. The 2009 project Books on Bases, Smiles on Faces is one such event. “I have to say that it was totally professional and with a great mission,” Hunter said. “My three kids loved the activities, especially the amazing balloon bender, and it gave them a book buzz.”
“BSF has become a source of timely information pertaining to issues directly impacting military families,” Hunter said. He said he uses the website to learn about new opportunities for military families and to find tips about dealing with deployment. Of course, he said he also appreciates the BSF community.
“It's reassuring to know that an organization for blue star families exists and by becoming a member it is another way for male spouses to network.”
