Published: May 5, 2021
Meet Misty. She’s an Army veteran and mom of two. In 2001, Misty was living in New York, just an hour from New York City, waiting for her Officer Candidate School class assignment. The 9/11 terror attacks further fueled her desire to serve. “It [9/11] was the most surreal time, and everyone just came together,” Misty recalled. “There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t meet a volunteer from out of state, and occasionally from other nations, traveling to help. I was so frustrated that I wasn’t already serving. I took my oath in February 2002 and was so proud to join.”
While Misty was honored to dedicate herself to her military career, she felt the challenges of military life—especially as a female soldier—due to the demands of her career. And she’s not alone. In fact, the 2020 Military Family Lifestyle Survey found that throughout the military life cycle, female service member respondents face greater challenges with balancing military and family life. For Misty and her husband, they decided to wait to have children because of that lack of balance. However, Misty medically retired after 10 years of service, and that same month, they found out they were pregnant.
Upon welcoming their second child, Misty realized just how fortunate she was to have retired, allowing her time to devote to her family while maintaining access to Tricare and the military community. Her appreciation for those benefits only intensified when the couple’s youngest was born with spinal muscular atrophy type 2 (SMA2), a disease similar to ALS, only it occurs in children.
After originally receiving a terminal diagnosis, months later, Misty’s family was given encouraging news. A treatment was approved by the FDA, and while their son remains in a wheelchair and is 100% dependent on the care of others, he’s currently stable with continued therapy. “My husband and I are often reflective about the timing of our family,” Misty said. “If the pace of my service had allowed for a family earlier in our lives, it is quite possible that we would have buried a child by now because the treatment our son currently receives would not have been developed yet.”
While Misty is grateful for the medical developments and her ability to serve as her son’s caregiver, the adjustment was not without challenges. Going back to when she medically retired, this poignant moment in her career took place after a PTSD diagnosis. Abruptly leaving the military left Misty grappling with finding a new direction. Yes, having children and becoming a caregiver to her son gave Misty that renewed sense of purpose, but it also meant managing her own medical needs in between her son’s treatments. The pandemic has only exacerbated those challenges.
This past year, services have been limited for the two of them. Plus, given Misty’s son’s medical condition, the family had to take the highest precautions when it came to the virus. To limit exposure, Misty’s husband modified his work hours, cutting their income in half. Navigating the financial implications of the pandemic is something many families, like Misty’s, have had to take on. According to the 2020 Resilience Under Stress Study (RUSS; conducted during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic), a greater proportion of caregivers reported “major” or “severe” COVID-19 impacts on their happiness, mental health, employment, financial situation, and personal health, compared to their non-caregiver peers.
Fortunately for Misty, at the start of the year, she connected with Blue Star Families and joined the Caregiver Cohort program. Each year, with the help of Veterans United, Blue Star Families brings together military-connected caregivers to take part in self-care workshops and activities in their local communities. This gives them a dedicated time to focus on themselves and an opportunity to connect with other caregivers.
What originated as an in-person program, these events create a network, offer valuable training to best support their mental well-being, and provide a much-needed outlet. While the pandemic created challenges in how the program would be offered this year, it also made delivering support for caregivers more important than ever. That’s why Vicky Perkins, Senior Manager of National Chapter and Programs at Blue Star Families, designed a cohort model that focuses on year-round virtual workshops and a corresponding caregivers box.
To lead the virtual workshops, Vicky recruited Tammy Meyer, a military spouse and professional life coach. Together, Vicky and Tammy have strategically developed self-care events based on survey data and feedback to directly impact the lives of caregivers. Misty and 49 other caregivers will take part in these workshops while learning to diffuse stress and anxiety, identifying personal values and goals, and determining an ideal picture for their lives and a plan to achieve it. Ultimately, they’ll walk away with the training and tools needed to focus on their well-being to better support their family. “I don’t believe many, if any, other organizations are making such a strong effort to maintain contact and programs through quarantine,” Misty shared. “The cohort program is an opportunity for me to meet other [caregivers] who know my journey even though they have traveled a different path. I hope to be able to find strength with them.”
Finding strength together is essential. Amy Goyer, National Family and Caregiving Expert for AARP, recently pointed out, “No one is meant to do it alone all of the time.” Amy’s a caregiver herself and knows firsthand what the challenges are like. It can be difficult to open up about a journey that’s so deeply personal, like the trials and tribulations of being a military caregiver. But sharing those stories helps unite others on a similar journey in your community.
That’s why, here at Blue Star Families, our mission is to be the connector, allowing you and your family to find that network of support—whether through caregiver toolkits full of information and resources, organized Coffee Connect events to share and learn from one another, or virtual Caregiver Cohort workshops led by an expert on self-care and wellness.
To learn more about the resources available to military caregivers, please visit our Blue Star Caregivers webpage.
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