Published: January 29, 2022
You’ve Got a Friend in Me: Military Families Count on Local Communities for Friendship and Support
Military families struggle to belong. So much so that only one in four (27%) active-duty family respondents reported feeling a sense of belonging to their local civilian community on our 2020 Military Family Lifestyle Survey (MFLS). It’s no wonder why because military families move three times as often as their civilian counterparts, with most moving every two to three years. They’re forced to uproot and leave any friends and connections behind. Doing so is challenging under the best of circumstances, but the perfect recipe for a seamless PCS (permanent change of station) is difficult to come by.
Andie, a Coast Guard spouse and mom of four, knows all too well the curve balls life can throw at you, making moving with the military that much more complex. “Our last move was the first one that was really hard for us as a family,” Andie recalled. “Our kids are growing up, and the older two really didn’t want to move this time. They were going into sixth and fourth grade, they loved their friends, their sports teams, we were taking them away from sunny San Diego and bringing them clear across the country to New York. They didn’t want to go, and it was tough on me as a parent; it was tough on all of us. But we sucked it up, and away we went. While we were all still adjusting and doing our best to settle in, I tripped running and broke my jaw. My mouth needed to be wired shut for six weeks. I’m the social one of the family–I make friends, I set up playdates, I’m the connector. While the rest of my family is more introverted, I’m the one who gets us out there to start making connections. Here we were, new in town, still feeling the big emotions of leaving friends and what we considered home, and I, the connector of the family, couldn’t talk for six weeks.”
The family was counting on Andie, and she couldn’t bear the thought of her kids’ experience being worsened by the isolation that comes from a lack of connection and friendship. Fortunately, Andie knew the perfect way to help her family find their footing and start exploring new relationships. Back in San Diego, her family connected with Blue Star Families, attending several events together. Thanks to Craig Newmark Philanthropies, New York is also home to a Blue Star Chapter; a Chapter that was hosting an ice cream social for military-connected families just weeks after Andie’s family had arrived.
“Given the circumstances, I didn’t want to put myself out there in front of a group of families with my jaw wired shut, but my family needed it,” Andie shared. “Allyson from Blue Star Families saw me right as we walked up and immediately embraced us. She took us around and talked for me, introducing us to everyone and helping us all meet our new neighbors. Because of Allyson’s efforts, we were all able to make connections and start building a network of friends that would be so critical.”
Critical is an understatement in this case. To throw them for another major loop, their housing complex caught fire in November, leaving eight families, including Andie’s, displaced. “It was a Monday afternoon,” Andie shared. “I picked up my kids from school, and we moved into temporary housing with nothing. I needed to find someone to take our dog who wasn’t allowed in temporary housing, a place to do laundry, and even just a moment to think about what we would need and how we would get by. This community showed up in a major way. Many of the people I met or inroads I made at that ice cream social, the entire Staten Island community, all were so helpful. I love making friends within the military community, but it’s our local neighbors who can be so important. They are the constant in our chaotic world. When military friends move and come and go, the local community remains. They have the networks and the resources to help in times of need. And that’s exactly what they did for us. A local restaurant provided meals every night to a Family Meeting Center on base for all eight of the displaced families for weeks. A mom from my kid’s soccer team, who I had known for maybe two months, came with clothes and equipment for my kids. I had to rely on so many different people to help. I was lucky I had people to ask and people who showed up even when I didn’t ask. But for most military families, it’s not like that. If I asked 10 military friends if they had someone from their local community to call for help or even a coffee, my guess is they would all say no.”
And Andie isn’t wrong. In response to the 2019 MFLS, more than one-third of military families (39%) said they have no one in their local community to ask for a favor. After the reminder of just how crucial finding that sense of belonging within your local community can be, Andie decided it was time for her to help change the narrative for military families. She has always made volunteering a priority at each duty station, but she felt ready to take on something larger if she was passionate enough about it. When Blue Star Families approached her about fulfilling the New York Tri-State Chapter Director position, she knew it would be the right move for her to make a big impact. Now, armed with Blue Star Families’ resources and programs, Andie is hitting the ground running, working to connect military families with their local community to ensure they always have someone they can call.
If you’re a military family searching for connection, reach out to us and see what resources and programs are available near you!
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