Published: August 13, 2021
You may be surprised to know that nearly a quarter (24%) of active-duty family respondents to the 2020 Military Family Lifestyle Survey report their family was enrolled in the Exceptional Family Member Program (EFMP), a program that is intended to ensure family members’ special needs are considered during the assignment process. Most active-duty spouses who were enrolled in the EFMP were enrolled for a child (75%), but 42% were enrolled for themselves, and 4% were enrolled for their spouse. Navigating the uncertainty of military life with a child or spouse who has specific, and sometimes extensive, medical or educational needs can feel overwhelming at best. It can make moving—something most military families do every two to three years—extremely nerve wracking.
Finding new doctors, enrolling in new schools, meeting new teachers, and setting up education plans with each move is a lot to take on, and it can make or break a family’s experience in a new community. Shannon, a Navy spouse and mom of two, is well aware of the stress that accompanies moving as an EFMP family. At 16 months old, her younger son was diagnosed with autism. Each move became a little more complicated, but it wasn’t until he started school when the family really felt the full weight of the challenges they would face. In the eight times Shannon’s family has moved with the military, their move to San Diego in 2017 was the toughest. Shannon and her now 12-year-old son found an unsupportive and combative school district. Their fight to get the legally required education for their son ended with a lawsuit and the potential to face years in court.
The experience caused so much trauma that they have since decided to spend the next several years geo-baching; meaning Shannon’s husband will live apart from the family. Shannon and the kids moved back to Maryland where they knew they had an understanding school district for their son, while her husband moved to Virginia. They are currently two years into the five years minimum that they’ll live separately to avoid school-related disruptions.
Unfortunately, Shannon’s family is not alone. A full 23% of active-duty family respondents to the 2020 Military Family Lifestyle Survey report they had geo-bached in the last five years. The most common reasons are for spouse employment or their children’s education. The statistics are heartbreaking. Families who already face so much time apart should never feel like their only option is to choose additional time away to allow their kids to have a stable school environment, or for a spouse to find and keep a job. We need to find solutions. With that in mind, we talked to Shannon about what the school district in Maryland does right. What can other schools learn from them, so that they, too, can create an environment where EFMP/Individualized Education Plan (IEP) children, and all military children for that matter, can thrive?
What it all seems to boil down to is quite simple: listening and flexibility. “Our school district here in Maryland listens and is open minded to explore any options to support my son and his educational needs to reach his full potential,” Shannon explained. “My son’s well-being, educational progress, and overall quality of life is very important to them, regardless of how long we intend on staying in the area. They didn’t immediately want to adjust his Individualized Education Plan. They took the time to get to know him, to understand his needs, and to talk to us before making any suggestions. Our school district has done a really great job partnering with us. We don’t always agree, but we do find a way to make it work. I think that speaks to the leadership and culture of the district.”
It’s a stark contrast to what Shannon experienced at their last duty station. And the negative ramifications from getting it wrong don’t just impact the child. “In the past, my son, with his IEP, was viewed as a high-cost child to educate,” Shannon shared. “He was looked at as a child who would not thrive with the long list of supports and services that are needed to educate him. I am scared of moving, of having his IEP modified, and of him regressing. Going through what we did took such a toll on my mental health as well. This journey can already be so tough as it is. We don’t want to go back to such a dark place.”
The stress Shannon was carrying was also felt by her husband. And we know when service members are worried about their loved ones at home, mission readiness suffers. For that reason, it’s so important we take care of families; that the communities in which military families live, work, and go to school are both welcoming and supportive.
Shannon can attest to the importance of that supportive environment. “It’s a wonderful feeling being here in Maryland and knowing he is in good hands throughout the school day,” Shannon said. “I can focus on self care for myself and be a more present mom to both of my boys. Overall, I am a better person in all the roles of my life, whether that be mom, wife, friend, or volunteer. I can really focus on doing things I enjoy and my husband worries less about how we are faring at home.”
Shannon’s final word of advice to schools? Get to know military families. Learn about their challenges and be open to finding solutions, such as allowing remote enrollment and not adjusting IEPs right off the bat. A great way to successfully understand and address the needs of military families would be to hire a district representative who knows the ins and outs of this life. A military spouse or Veteran who understands the unique concerns of military families can help educate teachers and administrators on creating a better trained and responsive system in which military kids will feel recognized, appreciated, and ready to succeed.
At Blue Star Families, we strive to be an advocate for all military families. We join forces with leadership to create lasting change, so families like Shannon’s don’t feel their only option is to live apart. That’s only possible with your support.
If you’re a military family, share your story with us. Tell us about the schools and communities that are getting it right, and what challenges still exist.
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