Published: January 28, 2022
Belonging Matters: You Can Help
Did you know that most active-duty military families don’t feel a sense of belonging to their local civilian communities? In fact, over one-third (39%) of respondents to our 2019 Military Family Lifestyle Survey (MFLS) told us they don’t know anyone well enough to even ask a favor.
With “belonging” so strongly associated with mental health, this lack of connection creates a major challenge for military families. The reality is that military life is isolating and unpredictable enough as it is. Inflexible working hours, frequent moves, long-term training, and deployments put massive stress on the entire family unit. And when there’s stress on a service member’s family, it jeopardizes their readiness and the military as a whole.
Take, for instance, Brittney. She’s an Army spouse with two kids at home. Brittney’s husband joined the Army with his uncle, not fully aware of the stressors his career would create for his future family. Brittney and her family try to stay resilient. She does her best to embrace each new location. And as a family, they’ve learned to get creative and remain connected by enjoying Friday pizza nights together—even if it means Brittney’s husband joins via video chat.
But it can be challenging to restart in a new community every few years, especially when your spouse is deployed or away for training. For Brittney, this last move was the first time she struggled to build connections. And as a social person, it took a toll on her. It’s no wonder why because, according to the 2019 MFLS, 52% of respondents found local friends to be most helpful during a separation. However, despite best efforts, a friend can be hard to find.
Why should all of that matter to you? Because not having local support can wreak havoc on our All-Volunteer Force’s readiness and resilience.
You can be a part of the solution.
In Brittney’s case, she turned to a local Blue Star Chapter for the empowerment and support she needed. Through the efforts of Brittney’s Chapter Director, she found Blue Star Families’ Coffee Connect Program.
“Coffee Connect is a way to bring neighbors together to share knowledge and provide resources to local military families,” said Allyson Harasimowicz, Blue Star Families’ New York Tri-State Chapter Director. “Even throughout the pandemic, getting together for virtual Coffee Connects served as a vital touchpoint for military families, allowing them to still create friendships and receive valuable information from both civilian and military partners.”
As a result, Brittney’s sense of belonging and overall well-being changed as she forged friendships and built lasting connections. “Coffee Connect is how I met my first friend at our current duty station,” Brittney shared. “She was my only friend for the first nine months we were here. If it wasn’t for the local Blue Star Chapter, I would still feel very alone within my own community. Brandi helps keep me sane. Whenever I’m having a tough day, whenever I need her, she’s always there. Usually, with something from Dunkin’ Donuts to lift my spirits. That friendship means so much to me.”
What’s even better is that military families like Brittney’s also love to pay it forward. “I often find that military families are eager to return the favor,” Allyson said. “It’s one of the many reasons why military families are such wonderful assets to a civilian community. They are excited to get involved, to belong, and feel connected to their neighbors. I am proud to be a part of helping them realize that desire for their well-being and the well-being of military readiness as a whole.”
And Allyson knows the philosophy of paying it forward better than most. It’s what led her to Blue Star Families in the first place. Her family is retired Air Force, with her husband having served 25 years. While active duty, they moved 13 times, with one move coming right after their then 18-month-old was diagnosed with liver cancer. They faced a daunting diagnosis and many hard times in a new place, where they knew no one. “That sounds like a real low point, but it really became one of the highest of high points,” Allyson recalled. “I continually would be getting cards and notes of encouragement and meals. One person drove blood samples to a lab. It was one of the most difficult things we had to do, and yet it was the most incredible camaraderie that we can say that we felt.”
Now, as a Chapter Director for Blue Star Families, Allyson wants to ensure all military families feel that level of support and connection. Whether it’s through a Coffee Connect, Blue Star Outdoors tour, or an outing to a Blue Star Museum, Blue Star Chapters genuinely create the building blocks for belonging.
The bottom line is, our military’s readiness depends on strong military families. And Blue Star Families is the liaison families like Brittney’s count on to bridge the gap and keep them mission ready. How, you ask? By keeping a pulse on their concerns through our survey and using the data collected to find solutions to their challenges—from fostering collaborations to informing legislative change, and building local Chapters to create a foundation for belonging. Ultimately, that’s because we believe our nation is strongest when our service members and their families are thriving.
“It’s our goal to offer Blue Star Chapters near every major military installation across the country,” said Kathy Roth-Douquet, CEO and Co-Founder of Blue Star Families. “But Chapter creation and implementation is only possible because of people like YOU — individuals and organizations who support the military. You can help fund a Blue Star Chapter and expand our reach to as many military families as possible.”
There’s no better time than today to show your support. Please act now by visiting bluestarfam.org. Our country’s heroes and their families need you.
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